it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
