Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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