Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
