youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
