Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
