OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
