Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
