he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
