Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
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