reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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