I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
