i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
