i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
