Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
