I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
