Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
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i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
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Everyone says I win the strip club
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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