I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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