Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
