i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
