Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He better not be in your backpack
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize