The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
