Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
