I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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