It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
