guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
