I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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