i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
