good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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