if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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