it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
