do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
