I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
