You smell like a Billy Joel song
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
