Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
