I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
