just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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