I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
