The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
