Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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