some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
