I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
