My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Randomize
