The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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