I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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