Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
