Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
