I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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