I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
