You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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