is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
