I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
