got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
