i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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