I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
