this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
