Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
