you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
