The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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