Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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