you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
