sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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