i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my shit smells like andre
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
