She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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