I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Randomize
