can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
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He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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