I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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