How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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