i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
