Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
