3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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