literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You're earring is so big in my mouth
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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